Running is Dangerous

A little more than a month ago I was on a run (an activity known to lead to trouble).  I was about to hit this ridiculous hill that is right before my turn around when I had a familiar feeling.  A prompting to do something.  All of the sudden, a little girl came to my mind.  She was a little girl I had seen on the waiting child list (the list of children who are "paper ready" but do not fit anyone's "request") a while before, but didn't think too much about it.  She's a few years older than we had been approved for and has some health issues we didn't "request".  I wasn't sure why God had put this girl in my heart, but I know one thing for sure; It was Him and He wanted me to do something.

When I was "prompted" to adopt, it was clear what God wanted me to do.  I never questioned that we were going to adopt.  This was different.  I ran back home as quick as I could, I don't even remember running home because all I could think about was what Brad was going to say when I burst through the door and told him,"I don't know why, but we need to pray for this girl." He didn't have too much to say, I took him by surprise.  He basically just said, "Ok". 

I proceeded to ask people about her who had met her.  Everyone who had met her just absolutely loved her.  Okay...maybe this is God saying, "I know you're afraid, this is not what you imagined your adoption to be, just trust me."  Alright, well, if this is something we need to consider I had better see if we CAN take care of a girl with this specific need.  I spent hours talking to people at the clinic, my insurance company, friends I knew I could trust.  Meanwhile, I just falling in love with this girl, but still unsure.  Doors with the insurance company were opening, all of the people I spoke with were just amazing, we could do this!!!  But I was still hearing this voice saying "Be patient..."

I tried to hand it over to the Lord, but I felt He wouldn't let me forget.  I had so many fears and emotions going on, and those aren't always the best things to make choices on.  I started a study about learning to discern God's voice over our own desires and just started praying that the Lord would make it absolutely clear what He was wanting from us.  In my mind, this was Brad bursting through the door after a run saying "Let's do it!  Let's bring her home!" (a little theatrical, I know! Haha!)  Well, I believe God desires to speak to us, and I speculate that He gets a little excited when we are willing to stop and wait on him for our decisions.

So...He gave me an answer yesterday and it couldn't have been more clear.  Another family is in Ethiopia right now with her and has decided to pursue adopting her.  Not going to lie, it felt like I had been kicked in the gut.  Why would God put this girl so strongly on my heart and then decide she wouldn't be ours?  Why had I gone through all of that research and praying only to get a "No" from the one who put her in my heart in the first place?

  And then I thought maybe, just maybe, God was showing me that He IS listening to me, and he DOES answer prayer, even if it's not how we thought it was going to be.  He's teaching me to sit still and listen to what he's trying to say to me.  I think He's teaching me some p p pa pa...I don't know if I can type it...PATIENCE!!!  What the "H" Mario!?  But, this HURTS!  Is patience supposed to hurt?  Am I doing this right?  Maybe I don't really need it, maybe patience is for the birds, yeah, that's right, let the birds have it!  Sigh...

I believe that there are no coincidences.  God is working it out for His good and it's going to be okay.  Our precious little girl is out there waiting for the day we get to hold her in our arms and call her ours.  It will be worth the wait.  And I got a brand new pair of running shoes just ready to get into some more crazy trouble!!  Here I am Lord, and I'm listening.

Waiting Game

So, I wanted to wait to blog about our adoption until I could say something besides "Still waiting", but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.  We are "still waiting" for the day we first get to see a picture of our daughters face.  SHE is still waiting to hear "You have a family!"  We've been in the process for over a year now, and the wait continues to grow.

But to say God has not been all over this process would be a lie.  He has shown Himself over and over again, usually after I have thrown myself a pity party about our wait, and how it seems like it's been a "dry season".  Like for instance, we received two matching grants.  I was completely overwhelmed by the thought of having to raise so much money.  Fundraising is right up there on my list below miniature golf (I'd rather chop my arm off, for real!  Strange, I know).  So, the thought of having to raise that money was not only overwhelming, but intimidating, I was discouraged...throwing myself a first class pity party!!  Well, I once had a dear friend tell me that I should send out fundraising letters to everyone I can think of because I'd be surprised at where the money comes from.  She could not have been more right!!!!  God opened hearts like nothing I've ever imagined, and more!!  We were able to match both grants way ahead of schedule, and even have some more extra!  God sure does like to make it hard to whine while I wait!  But that doesn't seem to stop me...

Just this morning, on the treadmill, I was staring at the pile of stuff in front of me (doesn't that sound like fun! Haha!  I still like it better than miniature golf!)  I was thinking of how Brad and I had changed over the last couple of years.  He's always wanted to do long term missions.  I've always been like NO WAY (Friends who have known me for a while can confirm this)!  Even when we were first talking about adoption, Brad was wanting to take the route of missions instead, and I just could not see myself doing it!  So, we're sitting in church on Sunday and the Pastor is preaching on a "Regret Free Marriage" and he asks the congregation if we knew what our spouses dreams were.  And, for the first time in 11 years, we both have the same dream: Go somewhere (waiting for God to say where) and work in an orphanage.  That doesn't mean it's happening tomorrow, or even next year, but hopefully someday, God willing!  Wow!!!  There He goes again, changing my heart without me even knowing.

So what will I do with this wait?  Cry? Maybe. Groan?  Probably. Throw myself a pity party?  Judging from my past, yes.  Praise God for what He's doing to Brad and I during this wait?  Definitely.

Sshh! Don't tell Brad!!

So, when we decided that we were going to go ahead and adopt, one of the first things out of Brad's mouth was, "You'd better not do the stupid blogging thing!"  Well, sweet husband of mine, I've been asked, harassed (Angie), bugged and threatened.  Okay, maybe not threatened, but I thought I'd better start blogging just in case it got to that point. :0)

Well, here it is.  For anyone who cares to listen to the ranting and raving of a mother of three (someday more)...

Brad asked me the other day if I had thought about adoption AT ALL before the Adoption Awareness dinner (where God decided to blindside me with His desire for my life so hard I couldn't speak).  I seriously tried to think back, and I could honestly say "No...Never".  Isn't it funny how God works?  I don't know about you, but I get tickled pink when something happens in my life, or around me, where there isn't any possible way I could chalk it up as "coincidence" or "look what I did".  In those times I know God is there, I can feel His presence, His will, and it's exciting!  Then the next step is obedience, which is scary, intimidating and...exciting!  But when we obey God...the coolest thing happens...He seems to ask MORE! Well, maybe He's always been asking more, but now I'm listening! And He's showed me that my fears are just that, MY fears. I can just picture Him up in heaven, shaking His head like we do when our babies won't just TAKE THAT FIRST STEP ALREADY!!  He's saying, "Why are you so afraid child, don't you believe that I can take care of you? Now snap out of yourself and TRUST ME!"  Of course this is all speculation, but since this is my speculation, I'm going to add a smack in the butt to go with it!

Now that I'm done "speculating", I'm going to bid you farewell for now!  

Don't be fooled by the name of the blog, or the title of this post.  Brad knows full well what's going on and he's staying away. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!